I remember the day that you texted me at 6 in the morning & walked from Mikey’s to Jenn’s to come hold me because the storm was so bad that it scared me. It was almost a hurricane but you walked over & woke up early anyway just to be with me. I miss you so much & I’ll I want is to have you holding me again, fighting through the storms for me.
I just want to be a girl worth fighting for in your eyes again. I swear I could be if you gave me the chance.
I remember laying in the back of your dad’s truck in the middle of summer while you sang Thunder by Boys Like Girls to me. I smiled & hoped the moment would never end.
I wish it hadn’t.
I remember laying on my porch in the rain with you while you played music on your phone & sang every love song you had to me quietly so we wouldn’t wake the neighbors.
What happened to that boy?
I remember dancing in the pouring rain with you at Marbrook while Tori stood under a tree & laughed at us & called us stupid for getting soaked, telling us we were gonna get sick.
We laughed at her for not understanding. Now I’m laying on Tori’s floor crying silently to myself while you’re out with someone else high as a kite. I miss you. I miss who you were. I just want my baby back.
I gave you my everything & you were my life. I can’t even walk into my own bedroom anymore because all the pictures of us around my room are too painful to even look at & I can’t bring myself to take them down. I just want to go back to the way it was before. The way it was when you still loved me.
Last night, we kinda got in a fight I guess. Michael said all this shit about me & ended it with “And Joey agrees with me” so I asked him about it. He kinda freaked out & said “That’s not what Michael even said” when he wasn’t even on the phone. I stopped talking to him & half hour later, Tori called him. They were on the phone while I was sitting there bawling my eyes out. I tried to call Caitlin because I wanted to see her & talk to her & he could hear me in the background choking up & freaking out & I was hysterical to the point where I couldn’t even get my words out so I had to hang up. It didn’t even worry him one bit. Once I was talking to him on the phone afterwards, we were talking & the only reason he hung up was because Michael was calling. He never called back.
Now he just told me he wants to talk to me about something in person. I’m holding back tears because I can’t cry since I’m with Jess & Tori. I’m so scared he’s about to leave me though. I don’t know what I’d do without him.
Went to go see fireworks last night with this amazing kid right here, Caitlin, Mikey, Vincent, Brittany, & like 8 other kids(:
It was supposed to be romantic-ish for me & Joey but piece of the fireworks were falling on us so I was screaming the entire time while he was holding me & we were getting rained on by ashes.
After fireworks Joey, Jenn, Mikey, & I walked Tori home. In the process, we almost got arrested 4 times & we almost broke a window.
The night did turn out to be pretty romantic when I was laying on him in Jenn’s front yard looking up at the sky<3
All in all, it was a PERFECT summer night♥
I woke up at Jenn’s with Juliana so Juliana & I got up & got showers & all. Once we were all ready, we walked up to the clock tower to meet up with Joey & he got me a new phone. So we go back to Jenn’s & after a little bit, Joey & I leave to go meet up with Tori & then go activate my phone. Of course, we’re right near Tori’s house when my mom calls me to tell me that I need to come home to babysit. We go get Tori & then we all go back to my house & Jenn & Juliana come over with us. The kids were a major handful & Mom was a megabitch but I dealt. I spent hours talking to people on the sprint website because my phone wouldn’t activate so I have to go to the sprint store in the morning so they can do it there. If they can’t, Joey’s sending it back to get me a new one that’ll work. Tori’s staying the night tonight. Around 11:30, Spikey came over with us & we watch My Cat From Hell & had an amazing time xD Spikey left at 2 & now it’s about 4:30.
Dad’s a dick.
Mom wants a crackhead to move in.
Dad’s trying to cut off the phone & cable now.
I could go on.
But I’m too pissed at the both of them right now.
Could you both grow up & act your age instead of your shoe size divided by two now?
Last night, you told me I needed to go to a mental hospital. You remember in glee when Artie called Brittany stupid? That was like what you did. I trusted you & you used to accept me - “problems” & all. Now it’s like you don’t give a fuck. You’re apologizing but I’m not going back. You fucking hurt me, Jared. Yeah, we fight a lot & yeah, we always fix it but not this time. Now it’s just too far. That was like a stab in the fucking chest.
It’s gonna take some serious actions to fix this. Fuck words.
Bad news first.Today’s
- My mom was being a psycho bitch
- My mom hit Lillian
- My mom was screaming all day
- I spent half the day at home cleaning
- Jenn, Chase, Jessica, & Tori were all being like weird & a tad rude
- Jared still isn’t talking to me & he hasn’t been in contact with anyone in days & I’m sitting here now worrying like crazy & I’m shaking & crying & I just need to talk to him really badly right now or at least know he’s okay.
- Joey had to leave early
Good news time.
- I got to spend the day with Joey
- I was also with all my closest friends
- I made some new friends
- I had some Dunkin Donuts
- I finally put some of the more painful parts of my past behind me & it’s not bothering me as much
- Two assholes are officially behind me & they’re just the dicks that made me stronger
- Dave calmed my mom down
- I got to watch Despicable Me in the park & even though I barely watched the movie, I had a pretty good time
- I got a picture with Joey, even though I probably look terrible
I’m totally in love♥
Ehw. I just got girly on you for a second. Let’s just cross that one out.
Kay. That’s much better. So yeah. That sums up today.♥
Didn’t get to see Joey. Had a panic/depression attack at the carnival. Got ditched multiple times at the carnival. Cried because it was the last day of school. Jessica got pissed at me. Dinner sucked. & Now I’m sick.
Jared, if you see this, I want you to know it’s not as easy as you seem to think it is. I’m not just this spoiled, two-timing, bitch who’s expecting everything to just be exactly the way I want it to be. Just do me a favor & don’t waste your time waiting around? I really don’t want to be the girl that asks a guy to wait. It’s the worst thing someone could do. Go on & don’t worry about me.
But I do love you more than anything else & I need you to live…